I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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