you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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