i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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