I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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