so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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