if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
