R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
