Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
