dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
