happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
