No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
