she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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