every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
