fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
wow bdsm is so cute
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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