I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
