I think I won the penis lottery.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
