He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize