I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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