She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
