your thong is hanging out like whoa
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
