I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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