I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
