I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
