I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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