i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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