Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
