Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
babies were throwing up all over the place
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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