Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
