Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
