you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
