He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
