we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
