I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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