in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
