Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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