I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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