dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
