is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize