roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
