When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
