Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
