btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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