im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
