So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
