I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
