i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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