Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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