I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
