We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
