dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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