Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
