Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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