Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
