guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
