I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
