batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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