I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
