In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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