I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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