Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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