dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
