While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
