I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize