My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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