More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
